Plum News, 15th June 1983
Scientist proposes crazy theory – Has Prof. Tony Ballinger finally gone mad?
Professor Tony Ballinger (Archive)
We all know the cliche of mad scientists, but Tony Ballinger makes it reality. When he announced a press conference yesterday, the world expected another brilliant invention. What we got instead was beyond riddiculous.
The infamous professor who has been acknowledged as one of the greatest minds of the 20st century before has apparently initiated his downfall by proposing an unbelievable theory about the future of mankind. Ballinger says, that humans will evolve to monsters in about 40 generations and that the only way to save humanity is keep few selected humans in a state he calls ‘Suspension’. In suspension, Ballinger explains, all blood is drained from the human body and it is kept frozen in a chemical liquid. Balliger believes as long as the machine is provided with power, suspension can last for an inifinite amount of time and the suspended individual will be fine when the blood is infused back into the body. He claims the machine will manage the wake up process autonomously if so programmed.
Experts and other scientists around the world have already dubbed Ballingers crazy theory as “highly impropable” and “attention hunting”. The government is even investigating about him causing a public panic.
So, has Tony Ballinger finally gone mad? Yes!, says a family friend. “He has been in a working frenzy lately. His wife Francesca confined to me that he had been neglecting her and their daughter! I can only assume his career was going downhill and he needed the publicity”, she explains.
But Ballinger is not done yet. To top it off he also announced that he was gathering volunteers to participate in his project of “Saving mankind”. When asked about the financing of this questionable project by our reporter, Ballinger ducked out and refused to reveal any specifics.
Plum News thinks: Tony Ballinger needs to stop watching Zombie movies and get off whatever he is smoking because this theory is beyond insane, even for a cliche scientist like him.